Part II of the Rich and Ashley Thompson story. What it's like to be the wife of a minor league baseball player.
Fate/karma/destiny/synchronicity brought Aussie Rich Thompson and his wife Ashley together in 2006. Maybe the odds of the two ever meeting were astronomical, but staying together as a “team” in organized baseball seems almost as unlikely. Rich played most of the 2006 season in Little Rock, but was called up to AAA Salt Lake City late in the year. In 2007, Rich spent only a few weeks in Little Rock before moving on to Salt Lake City, and to the Angels in September.
Rich and Ashley did not marry until 2008, so Ashley remained in Little Rock after Rich received his promotions. Ashley did rack up some frequent flyer miles though. “I visited him in Salt Lake City, Arizona Fall League, Spring Training, for an All-Star Game in Corpus Christi, for the Futures Game, and I was there for his Major League debut,” commented Ashley.
As Ashley states later, weddings and honeymoons have to be planned around baseball. The two were married on January 26, 2008 (Australia Day) at Whale Beach in Sydney, Australia. Ashley’s family could not afford the long journey down under, so only his immediate family attended the midday ceremony.
Since the pair celebrated their first anniversary just a few weeks ago, the question “what is it like being a minor league wife?” seemed appropriate. Movies like “Bull Durham” present one part of a minor leaguer’s life, but don’t really show at all the effect baseball has on family life. Ashley was very forthright in answering this question, and the next time you see a minor league wife-or a major league wife for that matter-at a ball park, you will have a good idea of what they are thinking and feeling at that moment.
What is it like to be a minor league wife?
“The best way to explain it is buckle up and hold on! Baseball wives are just like the general public. You have your gossipers, your religious girls, your protectors, your trophy wives... anything you can think of. It's not like what people think, though. Most of us are hard working, down-to-earth people who get the opportunity to watch their husbands do their jobs and get to do a different kind of supporting. The hard part is that as a wife, your social support network is non existent, and it changes often. So, even if you find another wife you click with, chances are you'll be separated by the next season. With so many trades, up & down options, etc. it's hard to get to know anyone very well. It takes a very strong woman to be able to handle this life, and to be 100% honest, its hard work. I can't speak for everyone, but I've heard from several other wives, and I share this sentiment as well. We go to college and work hard to be independent and successful and use the gifts we have, then put it all behind and live out of hotel rooms and work at throw-away jobs. You can't really work in your field of study, because at career level, what job will hire you knowing you may not be there next week, or next month, and you'll for sure be gone when the season's over? The other option is to stay at home and work, but then why be married?
Baseball players get about 1-2 days off per month, so you have to work it out where you meet them either at home games, or away games, and make sure you don't visit while they are in transition between the two. It also depletes funds by travelling at least once a month to see each other. At least while in the minors. That's the luxury of marriage; you get to make that choice. As far as the attitudes of other wives, it doesn't really differ between minors and majors. In the minors people are more insecure about themselves and about their husband’s success. When you look around the wives section, you'll see a bunch of girls comparing themselves to each other. Am I good enough to be in this group of women? To have this title? What I've found out is that you can't get wrapped up in all the drama. Just worry about you and your family. The problem is when you are alone all day long because the players are at practice. Do you sit with the wives or sit alone at the games? If you sit alone, you are alone about 90% of the time. We only see our husbands a few hours a day. They work 10 hours days usually. But if you sit with the wives, it's easy to get involved in the 'do I belong here' dilemma. I have spent many a day pondering that question. Was this the life I had planned for myself? Is this what in envisioned my life to be? Usually the answer is no, but when love conquers all, what do you do? Each marriage has sacrifices, and this is just something some of us are willing to do to be with the men we love.
Some would argue that this is what we signed up for, however, I never signed up to be judged at the drop of a hat, by fans, by friends, or by other wives. I also didn't realize that I had signed up for my life to be a seasonal thing. At least nine months a year I am a support system and a personal assistant. Nine months isn't even correct, because you're not counting if they make play-offs or the World Series, or if your husband wants to do a fitness program before Spring Training, or if he plays winter ball or a club league during the off-season. The other three months we are allowed to get married, buy houses, give birth, and spend time with friends and families during the holidays. Even that gets cut short, because, for instance, in our situation, we visit Australia every year. Here is a perfect example: we bought our first house this past year. Pretty exciting! BUT, we spent a total of fifteen days in it, five days before we left for Australia to visit his family and ten days before we came to Arizona for Spring Training. EVERYTHING is planned around baseball. Even our wedding and honeymoon revolved around baseball games. Remember the movie "Fever Pitch"? Like that, only 100x worse because we are married to the actual players.
We all want the best for our husbands. Every morning during spring training you think, is this the day he gets sent down to minor league spring training? Is this the day he gets traded? You don't know where you'll be until the last day. Is this the year he makes the team out of spring training? This year will he be up and down? Will it be mostly up or mostly down? You can't make plans. You don't have any idea where you're headed, until you're on your way. Most of the time the players aren't allowed to travel with their wives. If they get moved up or down, they leave immediately. The wives have the task of packing up and driving it all to the next place. But, what if they're only up or down for a few days? Do I stay or do I go? Every day is a guessing game, and if you like having control this is not the life for you. You have to throw all that out the window and learn how to fly by the seat of your pants. It is a very frustrating life, but sometimes you can catch a glimpse of why you do it. Sometimes Rich comes off that mound and the first thing he does is look for me. It's the most fulfilling moment a wife could have. At that second you both agree on one thing. We are a team and look how far we've come.
Part III will be more on the ups and downs of being married to a baseball player on the bubble.
For more about Ashley and how Rich’s spring training is going, check out Ashley’s blog ‘Everyday Life’ at http://ashthompson.blogspot.com/