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To paraphrase Dickens: They were the best of teams, they were the worst of teams.

I've never lived in Cleveland but I inherited both the Browns and the Indians as my professional sports teams. I don't think I've ever seen a time when the Indians looked so good and the Browns looked...well, like this year's Notre Dame. Heck, I'm not sure they could beat the Irish this year, even with Quinn in the game.

The Tribe can't swing a rope and not hit a player who didn't come from nowhere to help them run circles around the AL Central and be considered a legitimate World Series threat.

Five players stand out: Kenny Lofton, Ryan Garko, Franklin Gutierrez, Chris Gomez and Asdrubal Cabrera. None of these guys were expected to be the core of a playoff-bound team once school started but here they are, pounding the ball, making great plays (Peralta, you owe Garko big-time buddy) and making the Indians look like one of the best run organizations in all of sports

They are batting a combined average of .298. They have an incredulous .455 slugging percentage and a .355 on-base percentage. Heck, they've batted in a combined 159 runners. Granted, not all of those were Indians but whose counting?

Josh Barfield, Trot Nixon, Jason Michaels, David Delluci and Mike Rouse, that's who. These guys were all supposed to be either starters or dependable back-ups when the season started. Their numbers haven't been so pretty: .224 batting average, .319 slugging and a .287 on-base percentage. Ugly.

Which brings up the Browns. Where to start? Can Asdrubal play QB? How is Shapiro's football acumen? No, seriously...has the city gone to the Indians and said "We have this, um, well, they call it professional football but the tests haven't come back from the lab. Interested?"

Cleveland became the first team in modern football history to trade it's starting QB after the first game. Well, there is a plan after all, right? Yes, it's called Operation Middling Backups. Of the three QBs that still wear a Browns uniform (not everyone died when the Titanic went down you know), only two have any (repeat ANY) experience in a pro game.

Who are these guys? Well they aren't Mike Rouse and Roberto Hernandez but they aren't far off. Derek Anderson and Ken Dorsey, if you combined their two years of significant playing time, have thrown for 11 TDs, 17 INTs and possess a combined 62.8 QB rating. And yes, a 62 is worth about the same on the football field as it is in Algebra class.

But let's not forget the golden boy savior who actually looks like he has the makings to be a decent pro QB. Brady Quinn could have a bright future but he's playing for the only franchise in the NFL that gives Oakland a reason to smile. Don't forget, after the ridiculous trade activity on Monday, Phil Savage told reporters with all the seriousness he could muster that the QB situation in Cleveland was now all cleared up and settled.

OK, Mr. Savage, you come with us...no, never mind the jacket with the straps...it's cold out that's all...everything is going to be fine...have some more punch...yes, your friend Romeo will be joining us too...

Tags: cleveland browns, cleveland indians