Ohio State is heading to the Rose Bowl after beating Iowa, Michigan is up next, and The Coach throws in a few Lou Gehrig references and just maybe calls Jim Tressel a coward?
THE GAME:
Lou Gehrig once stood in Yankee Stadium and said, "I am the luckiest man alive." Obviously, he never met Jim Tressel.
We are the 2009 Big Ten Champions. For the fifth year in a row we have won the Big Ten championship and will play in a BCS bowl. The fifth year seniors will have a ring on each finger and the thumb and will never know what it is like not to be Big Ten Champions. They will have played in two national championship games and will have played in three Fiesta Bowls, The Sugar Bowl and The Rose Bowl. If this senior class beats meeeshitagan and wins the bowl game they will be the winningest senior class in the history of Ohio State football. When you tell your grandchildren about the good old days these are the days you will be talking about.
"What is wrong with having an offense to go along with a defense? Kirk Ferentz came to Columbus to win a Big Ten championship and Jim Tressel came to Columbus to not lose Big Ten championships."
That being said... If I could have reached through the TV I would have choked Jim Tressel. Watching the tailback run the ball 50 times between the tackles and running the clock and hoping the other team makes a mistake just drives me crazy. What is wrong with having an offense to go along with a defense? Kirk Ferentz came to Columbus to win a Big Ten championship and Jim Tressel came to Columbus to not lose Big Ten championships.
He doesn't have a risk bone in his body. Terrelle Pryor only threw 17 passes and completed 14 of them. His passes were on target and were not thrown into coverage and Tressel would not let him throw the damn ball. He is the best athlete on the field and is nothing more than a conduit between the center and the tailback. On fourth and inches Tressel didn't even think about it, he sent in our 36 yard per punt kicker. We have a quarterback that is 6-6 240 and Tressel doesn't think he can fall forward for two inches? He gets two inches when he inhales!
"In football coaching there is a very fine line between conservatism and cowardliness."
In football coaching there is a very fine line between conservatism and cowardliness. He knew Iowa leads the Big Ten in interceptions and he just put the handcuffs on Pryor. He was terrified Pryor would turn the ball over. Meanwhile, a true freshman with his first start is slinging the ball like Brett Favre in a snow storm. This kid is driving his team down the field for scores like he wants to win the game and we're pounding the ball up the middle and punting 36 yards. Then after giving up a 14 point lead our defense finally decides to show up in overtime and sack the quarterback to take them out of field goal range. Then a walk on kicker steps up and nails a 39 yard field goal to win the Big Ten Championship. Yep, old Lou Gehrig sure never met Jim Tressel.
"Meanwhile, a true freshman with his first start is slinging the ball like Brett Favre in a snow storm."
Some other observations. When the third quarter started we were already in lock down mode sitting on the ball and running the clock with a 10-7 lead. We actually led by 14 twice in the fourth quarter but the second time was only long enough for the ref to pick up his flag and bring the ball back because we were off sides on the snap count. And you thought only our offensive linemen could do that.
"Chimdi Checkwa had more passes go over his head than a blonde at a toga party."
Is there a rule on our team that every time we intercept the ball we have to have a penalty by Nathan Williams? One went clear to the 22 yard line and was brought back to the 50 yard line after William's block in the back was tacked on and the other negated the touch down when Williams was off sides. Jeez. I love the guy's energy but he has so much he might be effecting climate change. Chimdi Checkwa had more passes go over his head than a blonde at a toga party. If you were worried that he might go out early to the pros you can sleep easy again. Five years ago there was a huge recruiting push to get a five star defensive end named Doug Worthington. All of the hours our coaches spent getting him to come to Ohio State paid off on the only sack of the game. He had earned his scholarship a long time ago but paid us back with interest on that single play.
Oh, one more thing, it's MICHIGAN WEEK!!!!!
THAT WHICH WAS:
Cal beat Arizona 24-16 to keep their slim hopes alive for the Rose Bowl. But those hopes are on a resuscitator.
Auburn went between the hedges at Georgia and fell to 7-3 which may get them to some bowl in Florida. The game only lasted 35 minutes due to all of that SEC speed. YooHoo, Go Dawgs.
Boise State once again trudged through that murderous schedule and peeled Idaho 63-25. You say po-ta-to and I say po-tah-to.
Boston College beat Virginia 14-10. One of our recruits was on an official visit to Virginia for this ho-hummer. I hope the Ohio State coaches immediately sent him a tape of us winning the freaking Big Ten in front of 105,000 freaking screaming Buckeyes.
Cincinnati beat West By God Virginia 24-21. Cincinnati is pretty good but pretty good in the Big Least.
The East Carolina Pirates traveled to Oklahoma the beat the crap out of the Tulsa Golden Hurricanes 44-17. Arrrgh, these landlubbers be talkin' about hurricanes all the time. What the hell do Okies know about hurricanes? So we laid a stage 44 typhoon on their dirt farmin' arses. Arrrgh.
Duke played Georgia Tech and once again became Duke.
Pope Urban of Meyer and Saint Tebow beat Steve Spurrier's Game Cocks 24-14.Is there anyone else out there besides me that can't wait for Tim Tebow to leave college football? With my luck he will be another Browns draftee.
Houston dropped to 8-2. How did this team ever get ranked? Their two loses were to UTEP and UCF. They don't even lose to teams, they lose to letters.
Penn State overcame their devastating loss to OSU and rallied to beat Indiana 31-20.
While we were winning the Big Ten against a 9-1 team, LSU was struggling against a 3-7 La. Tech yet somehow remained ranked ahead of us in the polls. Must be that SEC mystique again.
North Carolina beat the Cryami Hurricanes 33-24. Arrrgh, Miami knows a thing or two about hurricanes.
The Pitt Panthers kicked Charlie Cheeseburger right in the Blarney Stones. This could be it for the big guy with the decided schematic advantage. I went to a few $Notre Dame chat forums to see how bad it would be and it was BAD. My favorite quote from a fan was, "I'd rather see Charlie Weis in porn than on our side lines."
Oklahoma beat Texas A&M 65-10. Hey Stoops, at 6-4 it's too late for style points.
The Oregon Ducks continued their journey to the Rose Bowl with a 44-21 hammering of Arizona State. They will spend the next two months in practice totally dedicated to stopping the tailback between the tackles and catching 36 yard punts.
Michigan State hit a last second field goal to beat Purdue 40-37 and become bowl eligible. Go Spitoons, make the Big Ten proud in the GMAC Bowl.
Wisconsin tailgaters were barbecuing baby wolverines while the Badgers were feasting on Tater Tots to the tune of 45-24. meeeshitagin needs one more win to be bowl eligible or they will spend their second year in a row watching the Buckeyes in a BCS bowl game. And they only have one game left on the schedule and Tater Tot (Tate 4CA) has guaranteed a win for his seniors. Ahhh, youth.
In what had to be the game of the weekend, the Stanford Cardinal absolutely destroyed USC 55-21. This was the worst defeat in Pete Carroll's tenure since, well, two weeks ago when Oregon pounded them 47-20. And how IS that Reggie Bush investigation going again? Does the NCAA really believe we are all just going to forget that they swept it under the rug?
Mount Union beat Marietta 56-0. Their last four game total score is 226-14. They ended the year at 10-0 and are ranked #1 and will be in the division III playoffs for the nineteenth consecutive year.
THAT WHICH WILL BE:
Akron opened a beautiful new stadium this year so they could go 2-8 and lose to Temple 56-17. They don't have to waste that beautiful stadium this week as they go on the road to get pounded by Bowling Green.
In an embarrassing scheduling coup Alabama takes on Chattanooga.
Oregon goes to Arizona. Arizona is technically still in it but must win out. Oregon has a easier road but must also win out. Could go either way but the Ducks will live to quack another day.
In another thriller Boise State visits 3-7 Utah State.
After their big win over Cryami, Butch Davis takes his Tar Heels to Boston College for a nor'easter. Both teams are 7-3. Winner gets a much better bowl.
Stanford travels to Cal. Remember, it is a rule in the PAC 10 that you must lose after a big win so that each team in the conference feels good about itself.
Duke travels to Miami to be Duke for the third week in a row.
UAB (U. of Alabama at Birmingham) travels to East Carolina to try to become bowl eligible. ECU wins and flies the Jolly Roger high and proud again the week. Arrrgh.
The Pope and Saint Tebow get to play an airport this week as Florida International visits Gainsville.
The whole state of Indiana is on the line this week. Indiana (4-6) hosts Purdue (4-7) to see who ALMOST got to play $Notre Dame (6-4) in a bowl game.
Minni-soso became bowl eligible with a huge 16-13 win over South Dakota State last week. This week they get to visit a very pissed off Iowa team that wants to take out their frustrations on someone and a Gelded Goofer will do just fine.
Kansas State goes to Nebraska and then goes to a second or third tier bowl game in December.
In the game we have been waiting for all season, La. Monroe travels to La. Lafayette. The winner gets to dine on Po'boy sandwiches and boiled crawdads.
LSU travels to Ole Miss where upon they will get their asses kicked and finally fall below us in the polls where they belong. Go Rebels!
Penn State visits Michigan State. The Big Ten scheduled this as the last game of the year when Penn State joined to Big Ten to try to make this a rivalry game. It will be if Michigan State ever holds up their end of the bargain.
UConn goes to $Notre Dame with a 4-5 record. This is a should win for $ND but there has been a lot of distractions going on in South Bend. The biggest is the discussion of who the next coach will be and how much it will cost to buy out Charlie Cheeseburger, not that money is an issue with $Notre Dame.
Mount Union hosts Washington and Jefferson College in the first round of the Division III playoffs. Mount Union is 0-4 against W&J but the last meeting was in 1941. W&J comes to town with a 9-1 record and they are coached by Mike Sirianni, a Mount Union football player that helped win the 1993 championship game and was an assistant coach during the 1996 and 1997 championship seasons. Two of his assistant coaches also played at Mount so they understand what it takes to beat Mount Union in the playoffs. Not that it will do them any good.
In the only game that really matters this weekend, The Ohio State University travels to the big toilet bowl in the big toilet bowl known as Michigan. It is do or die time for Dick Rod and Tater Tot. They can make their season and keep Dick Rod employed for another year with an upset of the Buckeyes. This is a game we should win easily but Tressel will keep it close to the sweater vest and make it interesting. meeeshitagin will give it all they have but they never have enough in the second half and will melt down like Chernobyl in the spring thaw. Their defense is so pathetic even Tresselball can score on them. I see it 31-17.
The Coach