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THE GAME:

"Tressel wouldn't run the score up on the Taliban, so what happened?"

That was fun. It reminded me of the old Woody days. When Woody had a less than powerful team for a home opener you just expected to score 40 or 50 points. But what made me think of the Woody days was the kickoff fumble on the first play that gave us the ball on the 21 yard line. Then, wham, bam, thank you ma'am, 7-0. Tressel wouldn't run the score up on the Taliban, so what happened? Could be a couple of things like the fact that the last time we played them it took a 55 yard field goal by Mike Nugent as time expired to win, or it could be that Marshall beat a YSU Tressel coached team for a National Championship back in the 90's, or it could be that Marshall just fired Mark Snyder, a Tressel assistant and friend that left OSU to take over the Marshall program. But I think it was just that Tressel couldn't stop the train. Pryor and company were going to crank out at least 45 points whether he liked it or not.

Can you imagine how good we could have been if we had Tyler Moeller last year? He was all over the field and was named Big Ten Defensive Player of The Week. Welcome back Tyler.

Pryor looked really good and finally looked like a quarterback that had command of the game. We'll see how he does when Criami is sending all of that southern speed at him with both barrels.

The defense hasn't given up a score yet. Marshall's 7 came on a blocked 53 yard field goal attempt. It's frustrating how the unspecial teams continue to cheat the defense out of shutouts.

All in all, a fun game to watch. In case you missed it and want to check it out on the replay, the best moment of the game was when the camera was on Terrelle Pryor and the Marshall ball boy came over and asked him if he would sign the football he was holding.

Bring on Da U.

THE WEEK THAT WAS:

Week one in college football has evolved into the top 50 teams in the country trying to schedule the bottom 50 teams in the country so they can fill their stadiums while pounding some poor team into oblivion for a pound of flesh. Because of that, there were not a lot of good games but poor coaching always makes a few of them interesting.

Air Force brought in the B-52's and pounded New Mexico State back to the stone age, 65-21.

The Akron Zips and their new coach looked just like the old Zips losing to Suckacuse 20-3.

BYU beat Washington 23-17 and Utah beat Pitt 27-24 while Utah State nearly upset Oklahoma before falling 24-31. Those wild and crazy Mormons were partying their brains out in Salt Lake City.

Cincinnati traveled all the way to Fresno State to be embarrassed by the Bulldogs, 28-14.

Duke is off to another big season with a 41-27 win over Elon. Elon? Are you kidding me? What the hell is an Elon? Sounds like an Amish grandfather to me.

Who needs Skip Holtz? The East Carolina Pirates raided Tulsa for the most exciting game of the week, pulling out a 51-49 win. Arrrgh, we sent them land lubbers to Davy Jones's locker.

Florida really struggled with Miami of Ohio in the swamp and only had 32 yards of offense after three quarters. Pope Urban of Meyer was praying for the second coming of Tebow.

USC beat Hawaii 49-36 while giving up 588 yards. Lame Kiffen turned to his defensive coordinator and said, "Dad, I'm taking away your car keys."  Speaking of USC, the University returned the Hiesman Trophy that they received when Reggie Bush won it. But, in the process, he put the school on probation and cost them 30 scholarships. See, it WAS all Bush's fault. Now, Reggie didn't return his trophy but then again, neither did OJ Simpson.

The Big Ten went 9-2 this week. 10-2 if you count Nebraska. Our only losers were Illinois and Purdon't. You just expect it from the Zookster. The seat he is sitting on is hotter than J Lo's bath water.

And speaking of Purdon't, they engineered their way to a 23-12 loss to $Notre Dame.

Yo, Domers! See what happens when you have a coach!

It appears that the tornado has twisted in Kansas. Kansas State beat UCLA 31-22 while the mighty Kansas Jay Hawks fell to all powerful North Dakota State 6-3 in what was the only upset of the week. How would you like to be a Kansas fan? Pay money to go see a 6-3 football game and get beat by N. Dakota State. Is it basketball season yet?

In a little betting pool I enter from time to time I picked North Carolina to upset LSU. As soon as I sent the pick in I read that UNC would be sitting 16 players out and 8 of them were starters, including their entire defensive back field. And STILL, they almost beat LSU as they got clear to the six yard line at the end of the game before falling 30-24.

meeeshitagin is back! After a 30-10 shellacking of UConn things are finally taking off. Yeah, taking off like Thelma and Louise's car. DickRod is still a dead man walking. meeeshitagin set an all time college football attendance record with their newly renovated stadium as 113,090 fans entered the gates of that big toilet bowl in the ground. So many people to see so little talent.

Ole Miss fell to Jacksonville State 49-48. The SEC channel kept forgetting to mention that score.

Northwestern beat Vanderbilt 23-21. Ahhh, that southern speed. The SEC channel forgot that one too.

Oklahoma State dismantled Washington State 65-17. The Cowboy's coach said, "How'd ya like them apples?" The PAC Ten played the easiest schedule they will play all year and ended up 6-4. It's a good thing they're adding Colorado and Utah next year. Oh wait, that's Colorado and Utah. More of the same.

Wisconsin literally pounded UNLV into the ground, 41-21. That offensive line and those two backs are going to have defensive backs in the Big Ten calling off sick.

Those guys that play for Navy have balls as big as their ship's anchors. Down by three with forth down and two yards to go on the two yard line with 30 seconds left you kick the field goal and go into overtime, right? Not these guys, they go for it. Unfortunately, the running back was torpedoed at the one. Oops, its the Titanic.

As much as I like Boise State I was rooting against them last night because there is no one left on their schedule that could beat a MAC team so they will go undefeated and could knock a one loss OSU out of the title game. Oh woe is me.

THAT WHICH WILL BE:

The only game that really matters this weekend is Criami at Ohio State. They still like to whine about the interference call on them in overtime when Dan Fouts screamed "BAD CALL! BAD CALL!" They forget that had the refs got it right when Gamble caught a first down pass and the ref called it "out" in regulation, Ohio State would have run the clock out and the game would have been over then and there. Also, if you are the #1 team in the country with a 34 game win streak and you have the ball on the two yard line with four downs to go and you can't punch it in the end zone with the National Championship hanging in the balance, well, you have no right to bitch. They'll enter the Horseshoe strutting their bad-ass selves and I hope we knock the crap out of them.

BYU at Air Force. This should be a great game to watch, the option against a pro set and both are coming off of big wins.

Penn State at Alabama. Penn State is starting a freshman at quarterback against the #1 team in the country on their home field. Nuff said.

Colorado at Cal. The Buffalos get to see what it is going to be like playing in the PAC 12. My guess is that it will be just as bad for them as it was playing in the Big 12.

Duke at Wake Forest. Watch for a debate on the fifty yard line. Wake looks tough this year. The Dukies will be sitting duckies in this one.

Memphis at East Carolina. Elvis VS Blackbeard. Arrrgh, thank ye, thank ye very much.

Florida State at Oklahoma. After that stunning defeat of Utah State last week the Sooners are circling the wagons against the attack of the Seminoles. This should be another good one as Florida State make a rare trip out of the south.

Georgia at S. Carolina. Not a long trip for the Bulldogs. And it will be a long day for the Gamecocks.

Iowa State at Iowa. This game will be packed because when you live in Iowa, well, its something to do.

meeeshitagin at $Notre Dame. Shoestrings Dennard set a meeeshitagin record last week for a rushing quarterback. That won't work two weeks in a row. $Notre Dame will make him pass by shutting down his running lanes and meeeshitagin will be right back where they belong, on the bottom of the dung heap. AND $Notre Dame knows how to pass and meeeshitagin has the worst defensive backfield in college football. Michael Floyd may catch 50 passes.

The Oregon Ducks fly to Rocky Top to take on the Volunteers of Tennessee. Another good game. Man, this week is full of great non-conference match ups. Tennessee spanked Tennessee-Martin 50-0 and Oregon spanked New Mexico 72-0 so one of these teams will probably win 6-3.

Stanford travels to UCLA as both teams enter conference play in just the second week of the season. Can UCLA bounce back from its devastating loss to Kansas State? I think so. The pretty boys in pastel found out what it takes to play in division I while Stanford was pounding Sacramento State.

NIS & NAT & NARYTANE:

The NCAA is investigating Florida because one of their players, Maurkice Pouncey, was said to have accepted $100,000 from an agent between their conference loss to Alabama and the Sugar Bowl win over Cincinnati. Someone from the SEC accepting money? No way. Not the SEC. There's a story ESPN hasn't run with. Send the same NCAA crew to visit Florida that visited USC. It took forever but the results were spectacular.

Speaking of USC, the Tennessee Titans are suing Lame Kiffin for stealing one of their assistant coaches. I swear, if Darwin knew Lame Kiffin and Nick Saban he would have put them two rungs below a slug on the evolutionary ladder.

On the home tickets for the Mississippi State game, the University of Alabama misspelled Mississippi. Y'all, its M, straight letter, crooked letter, crooked letter, straight letter, crooked letter, crooked letter, straight letter, humpback, humpback, straight letter.

Ohio State passed the ball to the tight end in the home opener three times. That's a year's worth under Tressel. Those that believe the tight end will be a major part of the Ohio State offense this year are the same people that worried about Y2K and the Swine Flu. Some people will believe anything.

The Coach

Tags: alabama crimson tide, jim tressel, marshall thundering herd, miami hurricanes, michigan football, ohio state football, rich rodriguez, terrelle pryor