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THE GAME:

"When Justin transferred out of meeeshitagin he said their family values had eroded, so in an effort to reverse that, Dick Rod did all he could to make sure his team would be able to spend Christmas with their families."

  Is there any better feeling than winning the Big Ten five times in a row, beating meeeshitagin six times in a row, and denying them a bowl game on our way to Pasadena? And don't you dare feel sorry for them, they shed not a single tear for us during the dark Cooper years. In 1969 Bo Schembechler said, "Those that stay will be champions." It is inscribed in the ivy halls in Ann Arbor to forever be a rallying cry for the great teams of Michigan. Obviously, Justin Boren didn't read it. When Justin transferred out of meeeshitagin he said their family values had eroded, so in an effort to reverse that, Dick Rod did all he could to make sure his team would be able to spend Christmas with their families.

  The thing that maybe amazed me the most about the game was the amount of Ohio State fans in the stadium. When the game is in the Big Toilet Bowl there is usually one little section of red in a sea of maize and blue. This time there was red everywhere. There had to be at least twenty or thirty thousand Buckeye fans there. I never thought I'd see the day.

  After six losses in a row meeeshitagin may request a government bailout. To spread the wealth, perhaps the Obama administration will send half of our assistant coaches and two players from each position in exchange for Tater Tot and the defensive backfield. No Ohio State or meeeshitagin coach in the history of the rivalry has ever beat the other team six times in a row. And it's not just Tressel. He is 8-1, Thad Matta is 9-1 and Jim Foster is 10-0 against the boys and girls of blue.

  The game went pretty much as expected. The defense got the first touchdown when Tater Tot literally dropped the ball in the end zone. The second one came when a grad student sent in the wrong play and the third one came when Tressel was frantically trying to call a time out. All flukes but they all counted. With 4:46 left in the third quarter we went ahead 21-10 and Tressel went into LOCKDOWN. He whispered to Pryor, "If you throw the ball and miss it, it will stop the clock, so don't throw the ball. If you run wide and the guy goes out of bounds it will stop the clock, so don't run or pitch it wide. Let's see, that leaves...  hmmm ..... well, why don't we hand it off to the tailback up the middle the rest of the game." And so it goes.

  I didn't like the new uniforms. The red socks were pretty cool but that uniform had about as much to do with 1954 as the HD plasma screen I watched it on. If Nike wants to advertise for four hours on my TV, why do it during the greatest tradition in sport, the Ohio State/Michigan game? Do it during the New Mexico State game and then throw them in the trash. I wonder how much Nike paid the university to get that four hour ad?

  The BCS was established 12 years ago. Last year we were tied with two other schools for the most appearances in a BCS bowl at seven. The other two were Oklahoma and USC. I guess we are the first and only school to be there eight of the twelve years.

THAT WHICH WAS:

  Any week we beat meeeshitagin is a good week. LSU losing made it even sweeter. I can only hope that when meeeshitagin finally admits their mistake and sends Dick Rod back to West Virginia for the lynching he will get that they bring in a good "Michigan Man" like Les Miles.

  Alabama beat Chattanooga 45-0. Man, you can throw away the record books in that game.

  Oregon went to Arizona and squeaked out a double overtime 44-41 win to stay alive in the Rose Bowl race.

  Boise State beat another monster in big sky country, Utah State, 52-21.

  Cal beat Stanford 34-28. The PAC 10 rule that you must lose after an upset continues.

  As predicted, Duke was Duke, dropping its third in a row to stay bowl ineligible. This time it was Cryami that did the dirty deed, 34-16. Duke was cheering, "That's all right, that's okay, we're going to be your boss someday."

  The East Carolina Pirates moved to 7-4 with a 37-21 hook-in-the-eye win over UAB. Arrrgh, we ship be made o wood but we men be made o iron.

  Florida beat the air port 62-3 which left Florida International at 3-8. After the game the air port's seniors were lined up at the ticket counter to get Tim Tebow's autograph.

  Georgia reached a new low losing to Kentucky 34-27. They are becoming the meeeshitan of the SEC, the Duke of the SEC, the $Notre Dame of the SEC. If it weren't for division II Tennessee Tech they wouldn't be bowl eligible.

  Iowa and Penn State each moved to 10-2 but we beat them both and that is why we won the Big Ten Championship OUTRIGHT! There will be no sharing this year boys.

  Nebraska beat Kansas State 17-3 and earned a spot in the Big 12 championship game against Texas.

  In the game we were all waiting for, La. Lafayette beat La. Monroe 21-17.

  LSU lost to Mississippi 25-23. Down by two and needing a miracle, Les Miles let the clock run down from 30 seconds to 9 seconds before calling a time out. Then they got their miracle Hail Mary pass to inside the ten yard line for an easy field goal to win the game but there was only one second left on the clock and Lester didn't have the field goal kicking unit ready to run out on the field and his quarterback spiked the ball which, naturally, took one second. Game over. P-L-E-A-S-E let him replace Rick Rod.

  North Carolina beat Boston College 31-13. The game meant nothing in the standings but them Tar Heels just love nothing better than kicking some Yankee ass.

  $Notre Dame lost its third in a row and fifth overall. Charlie Weis, dead man walking the buffet line.

  Oklahoma lost to Texas Tech 41-13. The Sooner's program has crumbled like John and Kate's marriage.

  Oregon State beat Washington State 42-10 to get a sniff of the Roses. If they beat Oregon they will meet the Buckeyes in Pasadena. That's like hitting a five wood to six feet of the hole. It's no guarantee of a birdie but you've given yourself a chance.

  Texas beat Kansas 51-20. Colt McCoy should win the Heisman. He should have won it last year so he should get a sympathy vote this year. Anything but two for Tebow.

  Wisconsin fell to Northwestern 33-31. Northwestern is now 8-4. See Duke, you too can be the little train that could.

  Mount Union beat Washington and Jefferson 55-0. The Presidents came in at 9-1 but were down 27-0 in the first quarter. Mount scored again three plays into the second quarter and Washington and Jefferson started looking like Nixon and Carter.

THAT WHICH WILL BE:

  The only rivalry that really matters already happened on Saturday. However, other states need to feel as if they are all a part of that whole rivalry thingy too. Ergo, we have this week.

 The SEC wants two undefeated teams in their championship game to assure a SEC team in the national championship game. SEC refs are whores and will do whatever the SEC wants for a few pieces of silver. Alabama wins.

  Auburn travels to Alabama. Auburn is 7-4 and Alabama is 11-0. I would say you never know in a rivalry game but in this case you do. The SEC wants two undefeated teams in their championship game to assure a SEC team in the national championship game. SEC refs are whores and will do whatever the SEC wants for a few pieces of silver. Alabama wins.

  Arizona goes to Arizona State to play amongst the old people and the cacti.

  Arkansas travels to LSU. Ryan Mallet, the Arkansas quarterback who also left meeeshitagin to become a champion will burn Les Miles, who also left meeeshitagin to become a champion. Leaving meeeshitagin was the best decision Mallet ever made or ever will make and we Buckeyes thank him.

  Nevada goes to play on the blue field of Boise State. Nevada, at 7-4, is a rare blip on Boise's schedule as they actually have a winning record. This is the last chance for someone to knock them off before bowl selection. Of course, Boise knows that too.

  Utah at pubyu. It doesn't mean much but the game is usually a fun one to watch. Loser has to trade a wife.

  Illinois travels to Cincinnati to further embarrass the Big Ten.

  Clems-son travels to South Carolina. I will be rooting for the Game Cocks but I won't be putting any money on it.

  Wake Forest goes to Duke. This is Duke's last chance to get to a bowl game and I think they do.

  So. Miss goes to the coast to take on the East Carolina Pirates. Arrrgh, we be drinkin' a wee bit o grog after we put a sword to these scurvy ridden vermin.

  Bobby Bowden, geezer that he is, takes his team to the swamp to take on Pope Urban of Meyer and Saint Tebow. I would say Bobby has a chance, but .... see Alabama above. The SEC needs Florida to win and what the SEC wants, the SEC refs get. By the way, Brandon Spikes, the Florida linebacker that gouged out the eyes of a Georgia player on national television and was suspended for a half a game because the Pope is always forgiving, but decided to suspend himself for a full game against Vanderbilt, will be in this game to do a little chest thumping and who knows what else.

  Georgia goes to Georgia Tech to try to salvage their season. The Dawgs just don't have the defense to get it done and they won't be at home with SEC refs.

 Tennessee goes to Kentucky. Winner gets to fry up some road kill vittles.

  Miami goes to South Florida. What's that, about a ten minute drive? South Florida already beat Florida State so you never know. What we do know is it is going to be hot, take an extra fan or two.

  Mississippi, after their big win over Les Miles and his crack coaching staff, will go to Mississippi State to see who has the best team in the whole state of Mississippi.

  Nebraska travels up about 6,000 feet to play Colorado in a warm up game for Texas but they better not look past the Buffalos or they will be back in the corn thinking about what could have been.

  $Notre Dame travels to Stanford. For Charlie Weis this is like Senior Day. His last time to suit up in his hoody and waddle the sidelines of $Notre Dame. Although they may let him coach a December bowl game, I doubt it. It's going to cost them a fortune to cut him loose and hire a new coach. They'll probably promote an assistant coach for the bowl game and let Charlie ride off into a blue and gold sunset.

  Oklahoma State goes to Oklahoma. Oklahoma State upsets Oklahoma when they are good, maybe Oklahoma will give a little payback this week.

"Root for Oregon State. I can do more Beaver jokes than Duck jokes."

  Oregon State travels to Oregon on Dec. 3, to determine who plays the Buckeyes in the Rose Bowl. Who would have thought a decade ago that those two would be playing for a Rose Bowl spot? Root for Oregon State. I can do more Beaver jokes than Duck jokes. Oregon is a blue state and is hoping for a tie so nobody's feelings are hurt. They would like to send both teams but can't, what a dilemma for the tree huggers. It's the Civil War in Oregon. Go Beavers, split the uprights!

  Pitt goes to West By God Virginia. Root for West Virginia because Pitt jumped us in the polls and there is no way "The Stache" could beat the sweater vest. 

  Texas goes to Texas A&M to enjoy the bonfire and beat the Aggies.

UCLA and the pretty boys in pastel go across town to take on Petey Carroll and the Men of Troy. This will be so, like totally cool. USC had a bye week last week and Petey usually finds a way to win with two weeks to prepare. Did any of you read the final report from the NCAA on that whole Reggie Bush/ OJ Mayo thing or did I just miss it? Just asking.

  Virginia Tech goes to Virginia to get a better bowl game.

  Wisconsin flies to Hawaii for a pre-bowl bowl game. Like Illinois, please do not embarrass the Big 10 any further. This could give the cheeseheads nine wins and a very good bowl game so I don't expect them to wilt in the sun.

  The Montclair Red Hawks from Upper Montclair, New Jersey, come to Alliance, Ohio, to take on the Purple Raiders of Mount Union in the second round of the division III playoffs. They play in a good conference and come to town with a 10-1 record but it won't be enough. When you come to Mount Union stadium for the first time and look up and see the banners of ten national championships flying in the wind its a bit intimidating. They will fall behind and fall apart.

The Coach

Tags: big 10 football, college football, jim tressel, les miles, michigan football, ohio state football, rich rodriguez, rose bowl