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Since I’m primarily a hockey guy, I don’t stray too much from the world’s greatest sport very often, except to discuss the Ohio State Buckeyes, their horrible scheduling, and the fact that they’re now charging people 11-percent more to watch that horrible schedule. But I keep an eye on most sports (most of the real ones, anyway), because I am a sports fan. I like to look at things I (or others) might normally miss, and pretend my opinion really makes a difference. Because it’s just that: an opinion.

And if it doesn’t make a difference, maybe it’s worth a laugh. I find some of this stuff funny, or at least interesting.

Early Recruiting… On Kiffin… 13-Year Old Kid… Moron Brand-spanking-new USC Head Coach Lane Kiffin shook the sports world to its core (well, at least compared to when he recruited a 14-year-old kid for the University of Tennessee) when he committed a 13-year-old boy and offered him a scholarship to USC. A 13-year-old child is on Lane Kiffin’s radar, less than a month into his new job.

I’m still curious how he got the job. I mean, one mediocre 7-6 year at Tennessee (not to mention a 5-15 record as an NFL head coach), and he gets to break that contract to go to one of the nation’s most storied football programs?

Good rapport with USC? Surely it helps, as he was an offensive coordinator before his colossal failure in the NFL.

Stroke of great luck? Definitely.

Contagious stupidity that has somehow made its way into the USC football program? In light of his recruiting teenagers in junior high, my vote goes in this column.

"[John] Wall is among the next batch of deluded freshmen who think they are the next LeBron James."

Freshman Farce So, apparently one of the latest (and no doubt many) cases of a college freshman misusing scholarship money by coasting through a couple quarters of college before jumping to the NBA is in Kentucky. In a photo shoot for the March issue of Slam magazine, University of Kentucky freshman John Wall apparently wore a misprinted jersey that read “KENTCUKY.” As in, “C U Kentucky.” Apparently, Wall is among the next batch of deluded freshmen who think they are the next LeBron James. Anyway, head coach John Calipari seemed to laugh it off, and it is mildly funny. However, it is also sad, for a number of reasons; but the concept of the “student-athlete” (and what an oxymoron it is) is something I'm going to wait until after basketball season to discuss. It will just be more topical after Evan Turner and the latest batch of underclassmen bail to the NBA.

"Not only did [Michigan] practice more and still stink… now they face NCAA sanctions."

Practice Makes… No Difference Poor Rich Rodriguez. Not only did he field one of the worst Michigan teams in history last year (and the year before), his purely genius strategy of making his players practice more has him and the Wolverines in trouble with the NCAA. So, not only did the team practice more and still stink… now they face NCAA sanctions. Talk about “can't win for losing.” It would be a shame for Michigan to have to forfeit any of those five victories they worked all that extra time to get.

Pardon the Suspension Saying unflattering things about a co-worker behind her back is one thing. Saying it to her face is another. Saying it on-air for all to hear… that’s a Putzky^TM* Award waiting to happen. Tony Kornheiser was benched by ESPN for two weeks, after comments he made about SportsCenter anchor Hannah Storm's attire.   I know I was certainly shocked upon reading some of the stuff he said. I usually watch Pardon The Interruption when I can, and anyone who does recognizes Kornheiser's style of commentary. But that has to be just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard come out of a sportscaster’s mouth. If a guy has to preface a comment with “I know I'm not supposed to be critical of ESPN, but…” perhaps it is best to just stop right there.

Medal-some Media Speaking of “bad things can happen in front of a live microphone or camera,” the next Putzky^TM Award has to go to Olympic snowboarder Scotty Lago. The bronze medalist was caught on camera doing... well, things you probably shouldn't do while wearing your Team USA gear and your Olympic Bronze Medal at a party. The photos showed up on TMZ.com. Ah, youth....

Now, athletes behaving badly is a phenomenon that is probably still (barely) more the exception than the norm, but the Olympics are an entirely different stage. We know from experience that many professional athletes should really be passed over as role models, but Olympic athletes are supposed to be a cut above all that. If not, then some person you may have ticked off earlier at the party is going to have a cell phone camera, and won't think twice to sell the picture to a trash organization such as TMZ. And TMZ will be more than willing to pay for it, in order to spew it all over the Internet to bring supposedly good people down -- or, it's just a slow “celebrity news” day.

I almost feel somewhat bad for him. Certainly, his conduct in public was offensive, but being taken down a few notches by a legitimate news organization would sting a little less. Being taken down by a news organization whose staff probably got their journalism degrees by dialing a phone number inside a matchbook... that hurts.

Two Salchows and a Triple Putz Ah, the spirit of sportsmanship at the Olympics is alive and well. Russian figure skater and 2010 Olympic Silver Medalist Evgeni Plushenko just couldn't accept losing to team USA's Evan Lysacek. He made it clear when he denied that Lysacek was the true champion of men's figure skating. His main problem was that Lysacek did not attempt a quad jump. Then Plushenko’s official website went a step further, hyping Plushenko as the 2010 Platinum Medal winner. His camp has apparently backtracked from that assertion since earlier this week. The official site no longer has the extremely rare Platinum Medal on the front page, but there is Associated Press article in which Plushenko's agent says no one had the authority to do such a “stupid thing” on the official website and that Plushenko had no knowledge of it. Pardon my cynicism, but... whatever you say, buddy. Here’s your Putzky^TM.

"[Mike] Milbury runs the filter between his brain and his mouth about as well as he ran the New York Islanders."

Our Repeat Putzky^TM Winner Failed general manager-turned-NBC Sports commentator Mike Milbury has provided colorful commentary this Olympics. His latest quip included referring to the Russians as having brought their “Eurotrash” game to their 7-3 loss to Canada this week in the quarterfinals.

Once again, Milbury demonstrates that he runs the filter between his brain and his mouth about as well as he ran the New York Islanders.

Kiprussawful (KIP'-roos-AWE'-fuhll) adj.: Having sub-par goaltending in a playoff setting. "That first period by Finland was just Kiprussawful."

BY THE WAY: No, I do not even presume that I can actually trademark a Putzky^TM Award… but a guy can dream.

However, in light of the first period of the USA-Finland game that I’m watching as I publish this… I DO wish to go on record as the first guy to use the term “Kiprussawful.” It is a word of Finnish origin to describe sub-par (or worse) goaltending in a playoff setting. Possible synonyms: see Jose Theodorrible.

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Tags: evan lysacek, evgeni plushenko, hannah storm, john wall, kentucky basketball, kiprussawful, lane kiffin, michigan wolverines, mike milbury, putzky, rich rodriguez, scotty lago, snowboarding, tony kornheiser, usc trojans football