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Elementary, Watson -- Let's get down to basics here. It's increasingly apparent that the Bengals will have to go with former third down back Kenny Watson as the primary ballcarrier on Monday night, with unknown DeDe Dorsey as the backup RB.  While not a blessing in disguise, it may not be as defeatist a situation as many believe. Watson is widely observed to be the Bengals' quickest back, and he owns 6.0 average per carry on his last 60 attempts, which all can agree is outrageous. Rudi Johnson has averaged only 3.1 yards per carry. While I'm not advocating a switch for a healthy Rudi, the changeup of a different style of running game could be a surprising sidelight to the Palmer passing attack that everyone knows must be the foundation against New England. Remember, Watson is also the best receiving back the Bengals have had for a while (639 career receiving yards).

Downright Unpatriotic -- Here we go again, another week, another home Monday Night game at Paul Brown Stadium. Unfortunately, it's not looking good for success against the conniving unibomber-twin, Bill Belichik. The Patsies are 3-0 while the Bengals have devolved to 1-2.  The hooded one will surely be sending Randy Moss and Wes Welker deep against the bungling secondary. Whitehall native Kewan Raitliff (CB) was released at his own request, replaced by none other than Blue Adams. Don't get blue, tiger fans, because Adams is promised to help the anemic special teams. Save your sorrows for the running game -- Rudi Johnson is currently expected to miss his first game in the last 65. Do you think the KGB can figure out that it'll be Palmer-pass for four quarters? Incidentally, Willie Anderson and TJ Houshmandzadeh have not practiced this week. Chad better tell his partner he'll go it alone. 

Week 3: (L)  Bengals 21   Seahawks  24  -- Turnovers kill and the Bengals found out the hard way. With time on the clock and timeouts left, Cincinnati could have answered Seattle's rapid-fire late fourth quarter TD with at least a tying field goal for overtime, but Glenn Holt's fumble of the final kickoff snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, or at least a potential tie, which the Columbus faithful will remember can be counted as great wins (OSU/Michigan). Holt admitted he was trying for the big return, basking in his success against the Brownies a week earlier. Let's not forget that Holt was undrafted out of Kentucky, with an injury plagued senior season. His ascendency to the Bengals' third WR with the suspension of Chris Henry, injury to Tab Perry and downright failures of Reggie McNeal and Antonio Chatman has actually been miraculous.  Nobody expected Holt to be catching balls and returning kicks for the Tiggers at this point, but he'd done an admirable job until the crucial coughup. Holt had 5 catches and a TD against Cleveburgh, and 108 yards in returns against Seattle. Nobody expected Kenny Watson (RB) to have 60 yards and a TD to Rudi Johnson's 9 yards on 17 carries (12 yards on his last 3 carries, actually) either, but Rudi is certainly in no danger and clearly experienced a rough abberration. Carson Palmer joined in the turnover party with 2 interceptions, but kept the passing stats padded with 27 completions and 342 yards. TJ Houshmandzadeh padded as well with 12 catches and 141 yards plus a TD, but added a fumble in the mix. Ocho Cinco just continued the 2007 numbers game with 9 catches for 138 yards. Let's hope the passing game can continue and the turnovers stop for a crucial Monday Night Football game on 10/1 at Paul Brown Stadium against AFC behemoth New England.

Northwest Passage -- It'll be tough going for the striped strugglers hacking their way into the Pacific Northwest. Seattle has a home record of 28-6 dating to 2002. That percentage over the course of almost 5 years doesn't spell "fluke".  The Bengals, however, are 9-8 against the Seahawks overall. Too bad Anthony Munoz can't suit up for this one.  Instead, Andrew Whitworth, playing the crucial left tackle position inexplicably for Levi Jones, will have his work cut out against Seattle's Julian Peterson. Fortunately for Ocho Cinco and TJ, the Seahawk secondary appears to be merely average. If the Bengals' secondary itself can just strive for mediocrity against Seattle's underwhelming receiving corps, Cincinnati may have just enough juice to stop Tri-State native Shawn Alexander and steal a victory. That'll be needed going into the second Monday Night performance, which is against totally spies New England. A 1-3 start would be devastating and cetainly would hinder replica jersey sales.

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up -- The Bengals have a pretty fair injury report going into Sunday's 4:05 pm start at Seattle. Let's hope they fare as well as OSU did last weekend in the Pacific Northwest, but there is not as much cause for optimism. Well, not unless you include 400 passing yards and 6 TD connections by Carson Palmer. Fortunately, he's not one of the walking wounded. Listed as Out is Tab Perry (WR), though. TJ Houshmanzadeh did not practice. And we cut Bennie Brazell!??! Prediction -- Cleveland will grow palm trees before TJ sits in Seattle. Unfortunately, Ahmad Brooks (LB) and Dexter Jackson (S) also did not practice, which will not help the porous defense. On the offensive line, Eric Ghiaciuc (C) participated somewhat and Willie Anderson (OT) practiced his RV-sized rear off. No word on the disappearing act of Levi Jones.

Week 2: (L) Bengals 45  Browns 51 -- OK, an outrageous slap in the face to an artificially inflated Bengals' defense. This was reminiscent of the chaotic 58-48 Bengals' victory on November 28, 2004 over the Browns except for the knife to the loss column. Despite the disapointment, we were treated to almost 1100 yards of offense and 11 TD passes. I love this country!! Derek Anderson looked like Peyton Manning, and the Bengals had no answer. I'd say there's a new starter in Cleveland. Romeo, O Romeo, wherefore don't thou trade him for a box of balls? How in the world does Chad Johnson have 209 receiving yards, Rudi Johnson 118 rushing yards, Carson Palmer 6 TD passes and the Tiggers come out with a loss?!!  The beginning of the end was when Chad Johnson caught his first TD pass and could not find the Dawg Pound for his promised leap.  No sacks, 215 yards to Jamal Lewis and only one Brownie turnover spelled B-U-N-G-L-E in this embarrassing divisional sequel to the drama of last Monday night.  I give up, I'm going back to my day job . . .

Cleveland Central -- Former Buckeye Alex Stepanovich knows Cleveburgh well, being a Berea High product. He'll now be in the thick of it on the lakefront, as Stepanovich will be the Bengals' starting center Sunday against the Browns. He has been quoted as favoring Chad Johnson's plan to Lambeau Leap into the Dawg Pound should the opportunity arise.  Dublin Coffman's Chinedum Ndukwe is unlikely to see any action in the defensive secondary against pal Brady Quinn, not due to Quinn being on the bench but instead because of hamstring injury that has Ndukwe listed as questionable. All other injuries, such as Shane Graham's hip and TJ Houshmandzadeh's knee are listed in the "probable" category, and hopefully won't hinder a burning of the Brownies. Somebody turn on the oven!

Week 1: (W) Bengals 27  Ravens 20 -- What a glorious way to open season 40 in Cincinnati! This was one of the hardest hitting, emotional games you'll see in the NFL, and that's not puffing. Paul Brown Stadium, decked out mainly in orange, looked more like Clemson's Death Valley in Aiken, S.C. than a sterile NFL money machine. Some of the injuries mentioned below played a part in the opener, and some just didn't. TJ Houshmandzadeh proved to have only a phantom injury as he played well, and on almost every offensive down. Willie Anderson indeed started but came out in the first half with a sore foot. As threatened, Levi Jones did not start. No word on any further diatribes or tirades from the former Arizona State walk-on. Center Eric Ghiaciuc ("Guy-check" -- hey what are you morons looking at?) came out after a head blow and was replaced by none other than Ohio State's Alex Stepanovich, who held up well against fierce pressure. A great surprise was the solid play of rookie cornerback and first rounder Leon Hall from that school up north. It's a tribute to him that his name was called infrequently, as he played most downs. In fact, the greatest surprise of all was the solid defensive play across the board, from Landon Johnson to Robert Geathers and others. Well, until Week 2 against the lovable Brownies -- Who Dey think gonna drink that Hu-dey?!? 

Walking Wounded -- Going into Monday night's opener, there are some initial injury concerns, but hopefully none that rise to the dreaded "doubtful" level. Surprisingly, TJ Houshmandzadeh is listed with a knee injury and has missed two practices. Willie Anderson has missed virtually all practices but says he's a go. No word on Levi Jones starting as of yet, but maybe he'll open his trap over the weekend. Shane Graham (hip) earlier in the week caused the Bengals to try out new kickers, but now seems able to boot Baltimore on Monday. 

Chad's Hanging -- No major bulletin board material yet by Chad Johnson going into the Ravens game on Monday Night.  He's recommended that Ray Lewis get help, but hasn't sent out copies of his book to Ravens defenders unlike he reportedly did before the preseason game with the Falcons. Johnson and TJ Houshmandzadeh will have to be in fine form, as the depth chart is giving us Bengal Bites favorites but oft-injured Tab Perry and Antonio Chatman at the 3 and 4 slots.

History Lesson -- This year marks the 40th campaign for the Bengals in the 100 yard war. 40 seasons ago in 1968 (yes, that's a correct count by Bengals' math) the Orange and Black started off with a forgettable 29-13 loss at San Diego. The Chargers, coincidentally, have switched back to those old white helmets we all love. I'm pushing for the all orange with black block "Bengals" myself. Consider it doubtful that the team will ever return to UC's Nippert Stadium, where all 1968 home games were played, including wins in weeks 2 and 3 over Buffalo and Denver.  

Just Offensive -- Willie Anderson has practiced once this summer but is ready to start on Monday Night against the Ravens. In contrast, large waisted and large mouthed Levi Jones has been playing with the third string despite a $40 million extension, but Marvin Lewis won't name him as a starter just yet. Meanwhile, if Carson Palmer should go down, these stripe stretchers will be blocking for a new man - Ryan Fitzpatrick. Fitzpatrick was picked up from the Rams for a future undisclosed draft pick at the same time that Doug Johnson was released from clipboard duties. Fitzpatrick's fellow Harvard alum Clifton Dawson (RB) is finally with the Bengals after earlier refusing a free agent contract as he couldn't stick with the Colts. Dawson is third on the RB depth chart with the release of Quincy Wilson. Dawson also comes fresh with an ankle sprain that kept him from playing the finale.

Receiver Rotation -- While waiting for the return of Chris Henry, the Bengals were keeping opposing coaches on their toes guessing who might have the coveted third receiver spot.  The high drama concerning former Texas A&M quarterback Reggie McNeal and speedster Bennie Brazell is now over, though, as both have been unceremoniously cut. And I wasted valuable space in this column on this issue!! It's looking like Tab Perry will be lining up on obvious passing downs now.

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